


we put the world away

by chameleonmikey



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Denial, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 12:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2348363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chameleonmikey/pseuds/chameleonmikey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael and Calum grew up playing pretend. As they got older, they never really stopped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we put the world away

**Author's Note:**

> this took me like a week or two to write so im sorry if the writing style changes lmao  
> also i know the ages/times probably arent right but just go with it
> 
> un-beta'd sorry.

They’re five and Calum is in trouble for not doing his homework. The teacher is barely even scolding him but Calum is close to tears. The full water works is about to break out when a voice pipes up from the back of the classroom.  
“Calum, your homework is right here,” Michael says. He walks up and hands Calum ‘his’ homework. 

Calum is too shocked to say anything but the teacher smiles and takes the homework.  
“Calum, why didn’t you just say you had it?” she says kindly. Calum shrugs. 

Later, Calum sees Michael getting in trouble for not doing his homework. He’s in a lot more trouble than Calum had been because Michael never does his homework. Without any hesitation, Calum runs up and returns the favour.  
“Mrs Kalia, a girl fell over on the courts! She’s crying!” Calum says, pouting. 

The teacher gives Michael one last look before running for the courts. Michael turns to Calum and grins.  
“Thanks,” Michael says.  
“No problem,” Calum says and he smiles back. It’s kind of weird because they aren’t really friends but Calum feels like they should be.  
“Do you wanna go on the playground?” Michael asks, and just like that, Calum’s instincts become real. 

☆☆☆

They’re eight and pretend games are Michael and Calum’s life. Yeah, they play video games and sports and stuff too, but they love to play pretend. Calum is at Michael’s house, which isn’t unusual because they’re always at each others houses. Michael’s mom tells them dinner is about an hour away so they decide to play. They hide themselves in Michael’s room, totally immersed in their game.

“Not so fast!” Calum yells, pointing dramatically at Michael. He’s in his Batman onesie that doubles as his superhero costume.  
“You’ll never catch me!” Michael says, laughing evilly. He’s balancing precariously with one foot on his window sill and the other on his desk.  
“You’ll never get away with this,” Calum says, advancing on Michael slowly. 

“I’ve already gotten away with it!” Michael yells and jumps down, landing beside Calum.  
“Have not!” Calum says, because that’s what superheroes say. Michael throws a fake punch and Calum falls onto Michael’s bed with an over the top scream.  
“You’re gonna regret that,” Calum says and he grabs Michael’s arm and pulls him onto the bed. 

They wrestle for a couple minutes and Calum ends up on top of Michael, because the heroes are always the ones on top. They’re both breathing heavily.  
“You’ve got me! I surrender!” Michael says quietly.  
“Good! I’m taking you to jail! The cops are gonna-” Calum gets cut off he’s suddenly being thrown over. He lands on his back with a sharp gasp. 

Michael practically flies across the room and picks up his foam sword.  
“Sike!” Michael says, waving the sword wildly in Calum’s general direction.  
“You poop! Now I’m gonna kick your butt!” Calum yells before running forward to tackle Michael. 

Michael sidesteps like a ninja and Calum almost runs into the wall. He turns to Michael, pouting, but all Michael does it laugh.  
“You deserved that, Cal-Pal!” Michael says in the deepest voice he could manage.  
“You’ve had your fun. This ends here, Mike-ro-wave,” Calum says, trying to keep a smile off of his face. This is serious business.  
Michael hisses and pokes Calum in the arm with his sword.

“You’ve wounded me!” Calum exclaims, gripping his arm. He makes the pain look so real that Michael drops the act for a moment, concerned.  
“Did I hurt you?” Michael asks softly.  
“I cannot be hurt!” Calum cries. The two boys are so in sync that Michael knows Calum is actually telling him to stop being a baby.

“That’s where you’re wrong!” Michael shouts, forgetting his moment of panic. “I can kill you and I’m gonna do that. Right now.”  
“You can’t kill me! You’re the bad guy! The good guy always wins!” Calum says, putting his hands on each hip to take up a ‘superhero pose.’  
“That’s wrong, because I win!” Michael says, glaring.  
“I have a girlfriend and save people which means you can’t kill me,” Calum says proudly.  
“Who’s your girlfriend,” Michael asks, and Calum misses Michael’s wide eyes.  
“Grace from Mrs Knyvett’s class,” Calum says. “So you can’t kill me!” He runs away to the bed and hold out his arms towards Michael. “I’m lifting you up off the ground.”

Michael is frozen for a moment before getting back in the game. He waves his arms around in the air, taking turns lifting each leg in the air.  
“Put me down, Cal-Pal!” Michael yells. “I’m going to destroy you!”  
Calum laughs heroically.  
“I’ve won, Mike-ro-wave. You’re never going to do bad ever, ever again. Maybe, if you become good, you can be my sidekick!” Calum says excitedly.  
“Never in a million years!” Michael says, still floating. 

There’s a knock on the door, followed by a call for dinner. Calum grins and slowly lets his arms fall, like he’s putting Michael down gently.  
“Look, the cops are here! They’re here to arrest you!” Calum says, referring to Michael’s mom.  
“Whatever. I’m good now. And I’m hungry,” Michael says. 

Dinner tastes like victory to Calum. 

☆☆☆

They’re ten and laying on Calum’s bed, cuddling.  
“Cal, let’s play,” Michael says.  
“Okay. Knights?” Calum asks happily. Michael had promised they would play knights soon, since last time Michael got his way and they played wizards.  
“No… I was thinking we could like, play house,” Michael says. Calum thinks it’s weird that Michael’s voice is all quiet because Michael is barely ever quiet. 

 

“Okay,” Calum says after a while.  
“Cool,” Michael says lamely, getting off of the bed. “We can be married.”  
“Who’s the wife?” Calum asks, sitting up.  
“No one. We can be husbands. Like Lani’s dads,” Michael says, slowly gaining more confidence.  
“Okay,” Calum says again.  
“Cool,” Michael says. 

It’s a bit weird because they have to do a bit of planning. Normally, they just yell for a few seconds about who gets to be the good guy or who gets what powers and then they wing it. This time, Michael is careful and Calum is weary. Eventually, they decide that Calum should come home from work and then they can be all domestic. Not that they knew what domestic means. 

Calum leaves his room and Michael stands there awkwardly for a moment. He can hear Calum shuffling outside the door so he quickly grabs a book and sits down on Calum’s desk chair. He waits patiently until Calum opens the door.

“Hey, honey. I’m home,” Calum says. It sounds like the right this to say.  
“Hi, babe,” Michael says, putting the book down. “How was your day?”  
“It was good,” Calum says, taking off his shoes. He wasn’t supposed to be wearing, but it was kinda good that he hadn’t followed the rules and taken them off before because it fit their scene. “What’d you do today?”  
“I made a pie. And I went for a run,” Michael says, puffing out his chest. 

 

Calum laughs and walks forward. He kisses Michael on top of the head. Michael is practically glowing.  
“Pie? Yum!” Calum says, plopping down onto the bed.  
“Yeah. When we have kids, I can make pie all the time,” Michael says happily.  
“We’ve never talked about kids before,” Calum says with the straightest of straight faces. It almost throws Michael off. 

“But we’re married and we love each other and we have money. We love kids,” Michael says. Calum hums thoughtfully. “So that means we should have our own.”  
“You’re right. But we have to adopt because we’re both boys,” Calum says. Michael smiles, apparently pleased with Calum’s reply.  
“So we’re gonna have kids?” Michael says, getting out of the seat to lay on the bed. Calum lays down beside him and they face each other.

“Yeah. We can adopt a girl and a boy and the boy can look after the girl and be a cool brother but then the girl can be able to look after herself and be a cool sister and we’ll be a happy family,” Calum says.  
“What are we gonna name them?” Michael asks.  
“Hmm… Natasha and Anthony,” Calum says after careful deliberation.  
“You want to name them after the Avengers?” Michael asks.  
“Yeah,” Calum says with a shrug.  
“Okay,” Michael says and he leans closer to Calum. So close that their foreheads are almost touching. 

“If we get kids, then you’re going to have to get a job,” Calum says.  
“But you have a job,” Michael says, pouting.  
“Yeah, but we’ll need more money. Kids are expensive,” Calum states. He should know - his mom tells him all the time.  
“Okay, I’ll get a job then,” Michael promises.  
“Don’t stress yourself out about it though. It’ll be like two weeks until we’ll be allowed to adopt kids because it takes a while, so no rush,” Calum tells Michael. 

“You’re such a good husband,” Michael says, content.  
“I know. That’s why you love me,” Calum says.  
“Yeah. I love you,” Michael says. His breath kind of hitches, but Calum doesn’t notice.  
“I love you, too, honey,” Calum says and then they’re both just staring into each others eyes.  
Neither of them are breathing and then Michael leans forward, pushing his chin up just that little bit so that the space between his and Calum’s lips close. Michael presses their lips together for only a fraction of a second before pulling back. 

Calum’s eyes are wide and Michael kind of feels like he’s going to pass out, because this pretend feels so real.  
“Night, husband,” Michael says, and Calum is kind of sad at that comment, but he doesn’t know why. Michael falls asleep soon after but Calum doesn’t follow suit until a couple hours later.

☆☆☆

They’re twelve and Calum gets his first girlfriend. Her name is Stella and she has freckles and brown hair and is really nice and funny and really smart but Michael hates her. Well, not really. But Michael says and acts like he does but he’s pretending it’s hatred and not jealousy that burns in his gut when he sees Calum with Stella. 

Right now, Michael’s at McDonald’s with Calum, Stella, and her friend Juliette. Calum is whispering into Stella’s ear and she’s giggling and Michael is pretending like he doesn’t care. He doesn’t even really know why he has to pretend, because he really, really shouldn’t care.

Juliette is sitting next to Michael and she’s gorgeous. She has blonde hair that kind of matches Michael’s and she seems really interested in Michael. The feelings aren’t reciprocated but he pretends like they are. 

He payed for Juliette’s meal because even though it’s only McDonald’s, Calum had insisted that it was kind of a couple date. Juliette had apparently been told this too, and was also apparently really bad at reading body language, so she was all over Michael. Though he was stiff and totally uncomfortable, Michael tried to act like any prepubescent teenage boy would, and act like wouldn’t want to be in any other position except for closer. 

Juliette steals a chip off of Michael, and Michael fights the urge to snatch it back. Nobody but Calum was allowed to steal food from him. He takes food very seriously. Instead of doing what he wants to do, Michael forces a laugh and feeds Juliette another chip. She giggles and happily eats it with a wink that Michael hates. 

He glances over at the other two and feels a bit sick. Stella is grinning at them, obviously happy that it looks like Michael and Juliette are working out, but Calum is staring at Michael. Calum’s face is unreadable, but is he had to describe it, Michael would go with… stormy. He’s not attached to Stella anymore, instead leaning a little bit away from her. 

Weirdly, Michael decides that he likes that Calum looks like that. Especially if that expression comes with detaching himself from Stella. He amps it up and leans closer to Juliette. Her boobs are pressed against his chest and he supposes he should like that, so he raises a hand and rests it on her stomach, just below her boobs. It feels forced but Michael goes with it because Juliette barely even flinches. 

Michael can feel Calum’s gaze still trailed on him but he blocks it out. Stella is blabbing on about her science homework and if Michael didn’t force himself to think ‘nerd,’ he would have been impressed and made a mental note to get her to help him with his own homework. Nobody really seems to be paying attention to him. 

Juliette is sucking up all of Michael’s attention, and Calum is still focused on Michael, and Michael is pretending to be all over Juliette when he’s really tuned into Calum. Juliette whispers something to Michael but he doesn’t quite catch it so he just laughs and hopes it wasn’t a question. Juliette seems pleased though, because she flashes him a wide smile before turning back to her food. 

Michael goes back to his food as well, but is careful to stay as close to Juliette as possible. It kind of turns into a game for Michael. He talks to Juliette and flirts with her and touches her as much as a twelve year old can. Sure, doing everything he’s doing with Juliette is kind of fun because she’s really hot and sweet and Michael has food which makes it even better, but what makes it really great is Calum. 

Considering how much make believe they used to play, Calum isn’t very good at acting. His face has gone through almost every negative expression that Michael can identify. Angry, jealous, sad, awkward, agonized, grim. Michael loves every since one of them but pretends like he doesn’t know how Calum’s feeling. 

But even though Michael can tell what Calum’s feeling, he doesn’t know why he’s feeling that. Wasn’t he and his girlfriend the ones who set Michael up with Juliette? What was the problem? About halfway through their meal, Michael decided he didn’t care. All he wanted to do was pay pretend with Juliette because the faces Calum made at them made his stomach flip. 

Calum dumped Stella a week later and Michael never saw Juliette again. 

☆☆☆

They’re thirteen and ‘too old for pretend.’ This means nothing though, because they still pretend. Just, not as obviously as in the games from when they were younger. They’re sat in a circle at a party. Since they’re only twelve, it wasn’t, like, a wild party, but there were girls there, so they were happy. Michael is sat a few people away from Calum and Calum feels a bit clingy because he doesn’t like being so far away from Michael, but he doesn’t say anything or try to move places. There’s an empty root beer bottle in the middle of the circle and it’s spinning. 

They’re playing truth or dare, but most of the guys are hoping it’ll eventually turn into the original spin the bottle. The bottle slows to a stop in front of Michael.  
“Mikey! squeaks the girl who spun the bottle. Calum cringes because only he’s allowed to call Michael ‘Mikey.’ “Truth or dare?”  
Calum 100% expects Michael to say dare because he always does, so he’s totally surprised when Michael says “truth.”

Apparently the girl is thrown off, too, because she has to stop and think.  
“Okay… who have you kissed?” she asks finally. Under the curious eyes of their friends, Michael squirms uncomfortably.  
“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” Michael says. It’s embarrassing because they’re twelve for God’s sake, he should have kissed someone. But then it’s better than telling the truth that, yeah, he has kissed someone, but only kind of.  
“Really?” the girl asks. 

Calum is also kind of surprised at the answer, too. Not because Michael pretended like their kiss never happened, no, Calum expected that, but because has Michael seriously not kissed anyone else? He guesses he should have knew that because if he had, Michael would have told him about it because they’re best friends… but Michael is just such a ladies man that it’s kind of confusing. 

“Yeah, really. None of you are hot enough for me,” Michael says with an exaggerated wink. Calum can tell Michael is lying out of his ass, he just doesn’t know why even really what about.  
“No one?” the girl says flirtatiously and Calum doesn’t even know her name but he hates her.  
“No one,” Michael says with a wink. 

The girl beside Calum pipes up that they should change that with a game of spin the bottle. Calum thinks her name is Rebecca and he likes the way she thinks. Kissing some people would definitely help Calum’s problem… though he didn’t really know what his problem was. 

 

So, they play spin the bottle. Rebecca starts, since it was her idea, and she lands on Chris. It’s only the first kiss of the night but it’s already pretty heated and she has to be pulled off of his lap. Chris is still laughing when he spins the bottle. It lands on Jack and they get booed when they just do a quick peck. Jack shrugs sheepishly and his spin lands on Hayley. He gets more into it this time. 

Half an hour in, Michael has kissed Ellie, Louie, Alex, and Taylor. Calum’s kisses Harry, Ana, Rebecca, Brendon, and the girl he really doesn’t like. He finds out her name is Ruby and she’s sitting on his lap. Their kiss is sloppy but Calum’s forcing himself to get into it. It would be weird if he didn’t, so Calum closes his eyes. Doing so means he doesn’t see Michael’s intense glare.

Calum and Ruby break apart and Calum grins happily when they’re cheered. It’s his turn to spin the bottle. The bottle spins smoothly for a moment before coming to a stop. It takes Calum about a minute to register it’s landed on Michael. Their eyes meet and Calum feels his stomach sink at the sight of Michael’s wide eyes. 

Calum bites his lip, thinking about using his chicken, when Michael nods slightly. It’s so subtle that Calum almost misses it, but he doesn’t, so he thinks, yeah, he can kiss his brother, he can do that, and he crawls over to Michael. They’re sitting in front of each other and people are yelling at them to hurry up but Calum takes his time. 

He reaches a hand out to brush Michael’s long fringe out of his eyes and gives him a small smile. Calum had never wanted the ability to read minds as much as he wanted it now. Michael isn’t breathing and Calum assumes it’s because it’s just so god damn weird. 

Calum finally gives into the shouts around him and leans in. Michael follows his lead and leans in a little, too, until their lips are as close as they can be without actually touching. Michael’s warm breath is on Calum’s mouth and he smells really good. He’s thrown into an intense feeling of deja vu and he’s left dizzy. 

Michael’s lips are quirked up in a small smile and they’re so red and full and that’s what Calum’s thinking about when he leans in that little bit. Their lips are sliding against each other and Calum’s head is kind of fuzzing over. Michael is sloppy and unpracticed and a little too eager and Calum has to slow himself down. It somehow seems different to Calum than kissing everyone else did but Michael’s lips are really soft and he tastes like strawberries and that’s all Calum’s really worried about. 

Calum swipes a tongue along Michael’s bottom lip. The little whine Michael lets out makes Calum sure he’s never done anything so right in his entire life. Apparently the tongue-swipe-open-your-mouth thing is known by even people who don’t have experience, because Michael parts his lips slightly, and Calum’s tongue meets Michael’s. They still for a second, frozen in shock. It’s like they only just realized what they were doing. 

Calum feels a tugging on his wrist and he turns to see Jack beside him.  
“Hurry up, dickhead. We all wanna kiss people, too,” Jack said, teasingly. Now that Calum’s not kissing Michael, he can properly see his face. Michael’s face is red and his lips are swollen. It’s really adorable. Calum slowly backs away from Michael, not breaking eye contact with him until he’s far enough away that he can crawl back to his original spot. His breathing is erratic and his head is still fuzzed over but he’s still able to find that bit of clarity that tells him that he wants to kiss Michael again. 

They play spin the bottle for a few more spins and it doesn’t land on Michael or Calum again. Not everyone is staying the night, including Michael and Calum. It’s 11 pm when they leave to walk the block to Michael’s house. They fall asleep spooning on Michael’s bed, but they pretend the kiss never happened. They pretend like they both can’t feel the change between them. 

☆☆☆

They’re fourteen and Michael cannot fucking believe Calum is hanging out with Luke Hemmings. They had been supposed to hang out today so it’s, like, a double blow. Well, they hadn’t exactly planned to hang out, but when you hang out every Wednesday after school, it’s kind of expected that you’d have the decency to let a guy know, you know? Michael doesn’t really know, but he’s pissed. Luke Hemmings! 

Michael is sat on his bed and he’s not pouting. He feels so stupid because he shouldn’t hold Calum back from having other friends, it’s just… Calum knows how Michael feels about Luke! Michael just feels really betrayed.

I Miss You is playing loudly on repeat - shut up - and Michael nearly misses his phone ringing. It probably rings three or four times until Michael notices it and he pounces off of his bed for it. He answers without looking, though if he had seen caller ID, it wouldn’t have changed his action, ever. 

“Mikey, come out and plaaaay,” Calum’s voice sings from the other end on the line. Michael sighs and flops back onto his bed.  
“But you’re with that overgrown dungbeetle,” Michael says with a slight whine.  
“He’s not that bad, cuzmuffin,” Calum says. It’s totally unfair because Calum knows Michael can’t say no to anything when he uses that nickname. 

“Fine. Where are you?” Michael says, knowing Calum would win eventually so it was better to just skip the not-really-fight.  
“Dominoes, love you,” Calum says and he hangs up. Michael is left staring at his phone because Calum says ‘love you’ so casually. Michael doesn’t really understand why his stomach goes all floppy and he kinda feels like he’s a bit tipsy when Calum is affectionate so Michael just pretends the feeling isn’t there like always. 

He’s too busy thinking about how that feeling totally doesn’t exist at all that it takes Michael a couple minutes to realize he actually has to get ready. Making sure to do it with extra attitude, Michael pulls on a pair of black skinny jeans and swaps his ratty sleeping top for a Sum-41 top. He fluffs up his hair and quickly brushes his teeth again because he always has to look good for Calum. Because people always want to look better than their best friends. Yeah. 

It takes Michael 10 minutes to get to Dominoes and he’s feeling extra grumpy because not only is he going to hang out with Luke, but the pizza’s probably going to be gone or cold. He finally gets there and he’s kinda cold but when he sees Calum, with his head thrown back, laughing his stupid laugh, Michael isn’t really cold anymore. 

Taking a deep breath to prepare himself for what is most likely going to be the worst couple of hours of his life, Michael walks towards Calum’s booth and plots down beside him. He doesn’t say in greeting, just makes a grab for a piece of pepperoni pizza. Michael keeps his eyes on the pizza as he takes a large bite and chews moodily. He can kind of see Luke from across the booth and Michael takes great pleasure in the fact that Luke looks really uncomfortable. 

“Glad you could make it. I can see you’re happy, too,” Calum says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Michael takes another bite and chews slowly, taking his sweet time before replying.  
“For you,” Michael says and Calum kind of blushes but Michael misses it because he’s already turned to glare at Luke. 

“Hi,” Luke says. He’s all shy and intimidating and Michael really wants to punch him. He’s always hated Luke, but now Luke’s trying to steal his best friend and that’s not okay. He doesn’t say or do any of this though. Instead, he’s civil.  
“Hey,” Michael says. He’s really proud of himself but he knows he’s only able to pull it off for Calum’s sake. 

Michael knows he’s made the right decision when Calum’s face lights up and Michael thinks, yeah, he can pretend to like Luke Fucking Hemmings for a couple hours if it’ll make Calum smile like that. 

☆☆☆

They’re fifteen and are kind of a real band now. Michael had eventually gotten over his hatred for Luke and found out that he was a pretty cool guy and Calum was proud of Michael for that. Their youtube videos had taken off and Michael had found Ashton Irwin as a drummer for a gig and he kind of stuck. Yeah, a gig. A real gig. So basically, Michael and Calum, best friends since they were five, we half of a popular band. They both thought it was really fucking cool. 

Calum is sitting on the floor of Ashton’s garage - since there’s no furniture or anything - taking a break. Michael is across the room helping Luke tune his guitar. Ashton is sitting at his drums, quietly playing what Calum hoped was a song he had written because it sounded really good. 

In that moment, in the dirty garage with the background drums, and the quiet, infrequent strumming of guitars, Calum realized he couldn’t be happier. This feeling grew stronger when he looked at Michael. 

Michael’s hair is a darkish brown now and while Calum misses his dirty blonde hair, Michael really suits the brown. He and Luke have apparently finished tuning and are playing what kind of sounds like Check Yes Juliet. Michael’s stubby fingers that Calum loves to absently play with are fingering his guitar really delicately and Calum kind of wishes those fingers were somewhere else. 

Before he can stop himself, Calum’s wondering how well those fingers would feel holding his dick and all of a sudden Calum kind of hates himself. You’re not supposed to have those sorts of feelings and thoughts about your best friend and brother and bandmate and everything becomes really complicated. 

“Cal!” Ashton calls and Calum is really thankful. He shakes his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts and guilty expression before he turns to face Ashton.  
“What?” Calum says.  
“Do you think Muke is like a thing?” Ashton says. Calum is really confused.  
“Muke?”  
“Yeah. Muke Clemmings. Don’t you go on twitter?” Ashton says and why is he grinning? 

Calum looks at Michael and Luke. Looks really hard. He really wanted to be jealous and angry, but he can’t find it in himself. There were two reasons for that. The first is that, though they’re sitting close and touching, Michael and Luke look completely platonic. Any idiot can see that they are deeply about each other, but there’s no romantic spark there, whatsoever.

The second is that Michael deserves someone like Luke. He deserves someone sweet and funny and kind and loving and someone who’ll treat Michael right and just basically someone who’ll get their shit together about their feelings. It’s been five years since Calum thought ‘hey, Michael’s lips are really nice,’ and he still doesn’t know what the weird feeling in his heart is. 

“Nah,” Calum says, turning back to Ashton. “I don’t think so.” It kind of makes Calum happy that he doesn’t even have to lie about it.  
“You’re probably right,” Ashton says, and Calum really hopes so.  
“What about you and Luke?” Calum asks. He knows there’s something going in between them, but honestly, he’d forgotten. Now that he’s remembered, it seems kind of weird that Ashton would ask him about Michael and Luke. 

“I don’t think he’s interested,” Ashton says casually. Super casual. Ashton just straight out admitted that he has a thing for Luke, and he doesn’t even care. Calum’s been ignoring his feelings for Michael all this time, pretending like there’s nothing but brotherly love, and here’s Ashton, just casually fucking admitting he has a thing for Luke. Goddammit. 

“You sure? Cause Luke makes heart eyes at you,” Calum says. It’s true. And really cute in a sickening kind of way. Calum just isn’t sure if it’s a crush or if Luke just really looks up to Ashton, but he doesn’t need to tell the other boy that. Ashton blushes and ducks his head. 

“Yeah, what about you and Mikey?” Ashton says once he recovers.  
“What are we, going through all the otps?” Calum says sarcastically, ignoring the way his heart dropped into his gut.  
“Yep,” Ashton says with his trademark giggle. 

“Nah, Mikey and I are brothers,” Calum says. He’s trying to convince himself of this fact just as much as he’s trying to convince Ashton.  
“Whatever you say,” Ashton sing songs. Calum kind of hates Ashton sometimes.  
“No, really. Like, it would be weird if Mikey and I dated,” Calum says. It really confuses him how this statement should be true but it just sounds like a lie.

Ashton just shoots him a smile, dimples blazing. Calum goes back to watching Michael and Luke. Michael is playing The Rock Show by Blink-182 for Luke and Calum kinda wishes Michael was playing for him. Michael has this way he plays his guitar, it’s like, hardcore punk rock, and careful princess at the same time. Calum really loves that about Michael. 

Again, Calum finds his thoughts trailing off. If the way Michael plays guitar translates into his relationships, then, yeah… that would be great. Loving, sweet boyfriend, and then rough, and wild in bed. Calum thinks that would be really great. He lets himself have a minute of these thoughts before he banishes them to the back of his mind like he always does. 

☆☆☆

They’re sixteen and none of them can believe that their band actually has fans. There’s girls and even some guys grouped outside their hotel and Michael and Calum’s minds are both blown. They just finished playing a show and all four of them are still on the after-show high. All Michael wants to do is sleep, because that’s all he ever really wants to do, but Ashton insists they have to go out and meet their fans. Michael can’t really find an argument to that besides ‘’m sleepy’ so out they go. 

Once they’re out there, Michael decides it was a really good idea on Ashton’s behalf. The fans scream as soon as they step out of the building and Michael can’t help but smile. They’re so energetic and friendly and Michael can’t believe they like his band. Michael loves them so, so much. 

The guys split up, Ashton going straight to the crowd, Luke hovering a little bit, shyly, until he approaches a group of girls screaming his name extremely loud, and Michael doesn’t catch where Calum goes. Michael himself takes Ashton’s lead and walks through the crowd a little before stopping to talk to the fans. 

They’re all pretty chill and easy to talk to, especially when almost every single one of them tells Michael they love him. Michael tells them he loves them back every single time, because he really does. He chats with them, takes selfies, and even sings a couple choruses for about an hour. He supposes it’s kind of a long time to spend with fans just hanging outside their building but it seems mean not to, and the time passes really quick anyway. 

Michael somehow ends up near Luke and they take group selfies with a lot of fans. Since they’re not actually that famous yet, and only have a tiny slightly above average fanbase size, they’re slowly but surely getting through each fan. They start to thin out, only the super dedicated fans or the fans they hadn’t gotten to yet hanging around. 

Michael’s having a really nice talk with two girls, Sakshi and Aroha, and though he’s hot and tired and still really wants to sleep, he doesn’t have to fake the conversation. Until he sees Calum. 

He had barely caught sight of Calum the whole time they had been socializing since Calum had been on the opposite side, and now Michael kind of wishes it had stayed that way. Calum is talking to a girl, but it’s totally different to the conversations Michael’s been having.

Calum is too close to the girl for Michael’s comfort and he’s leaning down towards her. She’s twirling her hair and Michael really wants to cut her hair off. They’re both laughing, but it’s that smile Calum has on his face that breaks Michael’s heart.

He knows Calum and he knows that smile. Michael knows all of Calum’s smiles. He knows the wide one that brightens up the room when Calum’s happy, and he knows the slightly twisted one when he’s being a sarcastic shit. He knows the stiff, forced smile, and he knows that small one that dances on his face when he seems something he likes. He knows the affectionate one Calum wears when he looks at Michael and the proud, bubbly smile when they write a good song. He knows every single smile and what they mean. So Michael knows and can flawlessly recognise the smile Calum wears when he’s flirting. And Calum is wearing it right now. 

Michael’s intestines kind of twist. It’s weird because Calum has flirted with countless girls, but recently, seeing it, Michael just wants to pass out seeing it. Calum and the girl have their phones out and they’re probably swapping snapchats. Calum only does that with girls he really likes.

“Michael?” the girl named Sakshi says.  
“Oh, yeah? I’m sorry,” Michael says, turning back to them.  
“Are you okay?” Aroha asks. Michael really isn’t okay but he tells them he is and moves on. He gets through a couple more girls before escaping to the outskirts of the now small crowd, leaving them to Luke and Ashton. 

Calum is still with the same girl. Michael wants to sleep and cry and throw up and claim Calum as his own all at once. He feels really stupid for feeling so jealous about a friend. It wasn’t like Calum was going to ditch him for a girl… 

Michael didn’t realize he had been obviously staring at them until Calum meets his eye. Calum gives him an exaggerated wink before giving the girl a kiss on the cheek. He whispers something into the girls ear before swaggering over to Michael. 

“Hey,” Calum says.  
“Hey,” Michael says back.  
“Not with the fans?” Calum asks, grinning over at the now extremely small crowd.  
“Nah. Felt kinda queasy,” Michael says truthfully.  
“Oh,” is all Calum says. 

They stand there in a silence that’s both comfortable and awkward at the same time. A few fans come up for photos or autographs, but they’re mostly left to themselves until Luke and Ashton decide it’s time to go inside. 

Later that night, when Michael catches a sight of snapchat on Calum’s phone, Michael has to leave the room. He knows he’s not going to hide the jealousy and sadness written all over his face. It’s harder than usual to pretend those weird feelings don’t exist. Michael thinks he might be beginning to finally understand it.

☆☆☆

They’re seventeen and selling out shows. Michael and Calum are on opposite sides of the stage, on either side of Luke. It’s okay though, because Michael is a bundle of energy who’s really surprisingly not on drugs and jumps over to Calum about three times per song. 

Calum will be singing his solo or just backing vocals and Michael will all of a sudden pop up and shove his head in Calum’s mic, singing with him. They’re half way through Gotta Get Out when Michael appears beside him again. Calum shoots him a grin and Michael comes in close so they can share the mic.

Michael shoots Calum a grin back and they shout/sing into the mic. Michael licks at Calum’s cheek and Calum breaks off singing to laugh. His laugh booms around the building and the fans scream. Michael gives Calum a wink before bounding over to his own mic. 

Calum’s face is bright red and when it comes to his solo, he almost forgets the lyrics. He doesn’t though, and manages to save it and shake the butterflies in his stomach at the same time. He feels pretty proud of himself. Michael comes over once more before the end of the song to ruffle his hair. Calum feels like he deserves a medal by the end of the song for keeping it together. 

“You guys are fucking awesome,” Luke shouts into the crowd. They go wild and Calum sees Michael throw his head back, laughing. Calum’s overwhelmed by the concert hype, the dedicated fans, and how happy Michael looks. 

“You guys are so loud, it’s great!” Ashton says. “Especially since I can’t see you from behind my drums. All I can see is Michael and Calum flirting!”  
Calum hates his bandmates sometimes. Like, punch them in the face hate them.  
“Just cuz Luke won’t bone you,” Michael says and Calum can hear the amusement in his voice.  
“I get plenty,” Ashton says and the crowd screams for a minute straight.  
“But nothing’ll ever beat Malum,” Luke says. Malum? Oh. 

Michael is laughing but Calum can’t do more than force a smile. Did Ashton really think they were flirting? Were they flirting? Was it obvious? Why wasn’t Calum aware that they flirted? Calum kind of feels like he’s melting on the spot. His mind is having a malfunction. 

“Malum’s nothing but a bromance, my friends,” Michael says and is Calum imagining that it feels a little bit forced? Calum really doesn’t know anything except for the fact that he wishes Michael hadn’t said that. 

“You’re my OTP,” Ashton says. “Did I say that right? OTP?” The crowd screams in confirmation. That’s the moment when Calum kind of realized Malum is his OTP too. 

Calum looks over at Michael from behind his mic and is shocked to see Michael watching him instead of joking with Ashton or the crowd. Michael is biting his lip and has that look in his eyes. That one look that Calum can recognize but not identify. Michael only gets it every now and then and for some reason, it always makes Calum anxious. 

Michael seems to take a moment before realizing that Calum is actually watching him too. When he does, Michael gives Calum an exaggerated wink.  
“We’re my OTP, too, Ash,” Michael says and the crowd almost deafens Calum. 

When they finally calm down, Luke steps up, not letting Ashton say another word.  
“This song is dedicated to Malum, our OTP,” Luke says and they play the rest of their setlist.  
Calum doesn’t mess up but he also doesn’t concentrate. His mind is too busy playing every moment of Calum’s life with Michael in his head like a slideshow. 

Calum wishes Michael had been serious about them being his OTP, but he knows he hadn’t been. So Calum pretends like that thought never even crossed his mind. 

Calum finally identifies the feeling that’s been hurting his heart for years: Unrequited love. It fucking sucks. 

☆☆☆

They’re eighteen and Calum hasn’t talked to Michael in a week. Every time they’re forced to sit next to each other by management, or even when they just make eye contact, Michael feels like a dark cloud suffocating him and he wants to cry. He doesn’t understand why Calum won’t talk to him. It doesn’t make any sense - they didn’t have a fight or anything - but it still hurts Michael so bad that he physically feels pain.

Calum makes it a point to sit as far as away from Michael as he can and opts to share hotel rooms with Ashton or Luke instead of Michael like always, and if Calum ends up alone in a room with Michael, you can bet Michael’ll be left by himself before he can even open his mouth. 

Michael wishes for the time he didn’t know how dark his mind could be. 

He knows it’s really shitty that he feels so bad but Michael’s just so God dependant on Calum and without him around, Michael kind of feels like his heart has been removed from his body. 

Ashton and Luke have noticed the tension between them but it’s kind of hard to miss, so that’s not surprising. When they arrive at their next hotel, Ashton bagses sharing with Luke before Calum can even open his mouth. Michael isn’t sure if he loves his bandmates or hates them. 

So Calum and Michael are sharing, but that doesn’t mean Calum’s talking to Michael. Michael thinks Calum is being a poo. He shouts so right across the room. Calum’s reply from behind his shut door is muffled, but Michael thinks it maybe contains the words ‘fuck’ and ‘ass crack.’

Michael rolls his eyes and decides to go to sleep. It’s still early, around eight, but Michael is just so tired and over all of it that he doesn’t really care. He gets ready for bed without making a sound and ends up standing outside of Calum’s closed bedroom door. Michael stands there for about two minutes, just thinking about knocking. 

In the end, he doesn’t, and ends up retreating to his own bed. He falls asleep before he can finish singing Always Attract to himself. 

When Michael wakes up, he’s incredibly pissed off. He rolls over and grabs his phone, blinking wildly at the sudden brightness. 2:37 am. Michael sighs and chucks his phone back down on the side table, rolling onto his back. 

The mattress suddenly seems hard and uncomfortable and even though Michael’s eyes are drooping, he can’t make himself go to sleep again. Michael eventually checks his phone again. 2:43 am.

Without stopping to think about it, Michael throws his blankets back and gets out of bed. He stumbled awkwardly out of the room and before he even realizes what he’s doing, he’s standing in the doorway of Calum’s room. 

“Mikey?” Calum says. His voice is timid and anxious.  
“Hey,” Michael says. He would have said sorry for waking Calum up, but he knows he didn’t. Calum doesn’t say anything, just stares at Michael from his half sitting, half lying position in bed.

Michael shuts the door and manages to find his way to Calum’s bed in the dark without hurting himself. When his knee lightly hits the bed, Michael throws himself onto it. Calum huffs in protest, but Michael ignores him in favour of making himself comfortable. 

Michael gets under the covers and finds Calum’s neck, nuzzling his head into it. Calum doesn’t push Michael off, but seems to melt into him, so Michael takes that as a good sign. Calum’s arm wraps itself around Michael’s waist and Michael kind of wishes it was skin on skin instead of clothes on clothes. 

They lay in silence for a while. Though Michael has decided Calum’s bed is 100 x softer and nicer than his own, he still can’t sleep, and he knows Calum isn’t asleep either. They’re been sharing beds on and off since they were five - Michael knows what Calum’s breathing sounds like when he’s sleeping.

After a while, Michael can’t stand it anymore.  
“Cal?” he says.  
Yeah, Mikey?” comes Calum’s tired reply.  
“Why have you been ignoring me?” Michael says.

The effect is instant. Calum freezes and Michael can hear how hard his heart is beating. Michael doesn’t say anything more though, because he knows if he does, Calum won’t talk at all. He has to wait and it almost drives him crazy. 

“I just needed some space,” Calum says finally. Michael kinda feels like his heart has been shredded.  
“Oh,” Michael says.  
“No, Mikey, shit, I don’t mean it like that,” Calum says quickly. “I just… I needed to sort some things out.”  
“Oh,” Michael says again, but this time it’s softer. “Have you sorted those things out yet? Because I really miss you.”

Calum doesn’t say anything for such a long time that Michael thinks he’s maybe fallen asleep.  
“Yeah, Mikey. I’ve sorted everything out,” Calum says.  
“Good,” Michael says, and he angled his head up to give Calum a quick kiss on the lips. It’s fleeting and barely there, just like when they were ten.

Michael doesn’t realize he’s done it until it’s done and he’s snuggled back in Calum’s neck. The silence this time round is heavier than before and Michael feels like he’s suffocating. He needs Calum to say something.

“Love you, Michael,” Calum says after what feels like an eternity. His voice is mumbly and shy and Michael feels warm and snuggly inside.  
“Love you, too, Cal-Pal,” Michael says, and when Calum falls asleep soon after, Michael spends the next few hours convincing himself he meant that ‘I love you’ in a totally platonic way.

☆☆☆

They’re nineteen and Calum has fully accepted the fact that he’s in love with Michael. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t spent half his days trying to figure out some way to get that love to go back to a brotherly love. It never works and Calum finally leaves it, surrendering himself to what’s sure to be a life of misery. 

He thinks it’ll kill him to see Michael eventually fall in love with someone else, get married, have kids, but Calum knows he’ll be okay if Michael’s happy. So Calum doesn’t say anything and keeps his face indifferent when the fans flirt with Michael, though he doesn’t flirt with the fans himself anymore. 

Right now, the band is on break, and Calum is so fucking relieved. Rock Out With Your Socks Out has been amazing and surreal but all of them are so exhausted and so ready to have a rest before getting back into it. 

They’re boarding a plane tomorrow to go home for a couple weeks, but for now they’re staying in some hotel in Canada. There’s some fans outside, but thankfully not too many, and they’re being entertained by Ashton. God bless Ashton. 

Michael and Luke are sitting in front of the TV playing Fifa and Calum is curled up across the room watching him. Michael is so alive, screaming at both Luke and the TV, grinning proudly when he scores a goal, and making wild gestures to Calum when Luke obviously cheats. It’s not as thrilling as watching Michael perform wide, but it’s the best Calum has at the moment. 

Calum’s too busy watching them that he doesn’t even realize the game’s over until Luke stands up.  
“‘M gonna go for a coffee run. Want anything?” Luke says.  
“Hot chocolate for both me and Mikey,” Calum says sweetly, knowing full well Michael doesn’t drink coffee.  
“Sure,” Luke says and leaves.

Calum watches the door to the hotel room shut, and when he turns back to Michael, he’s surprised to find the boy staring intently at him .  
“Hey,” Michael says and Calum thinks he might be imagining the shake in Michael’s voice.  
“Hey,” Calum says with a bright smile. Michael returns the smile and it’s so bright Calum thinks he’s gone blind for a moment. 

“Get over here, then,” Michael says and Calum doesn’t hesitate. He crawls over to the couch where Michael’s sitting, not noticing the way Michael bites his lip. Calum climbs into Michael’s lap and makes himself comfortable. Their limbs are tangled and Calum’s arm is at an awkward angle, but he really doesn’t care. 

“So yesterday when we were with the fans, there was this girl with bright purple hair, and she…” Michael tells Calum. Calum doesn’t really listen. He’s too busy snuggling into Michael’s chest and just listening to Michael’s voice, not the words. Calum can feel Michael’s chest vibrating with every syllable and it’s really soothing. 

It’s in that moment, listening to Michael tell him pointless stories while they cuddle, that Calum realizes how deep he’s in. Like, yeah, he already thought he was in love with Michael, but it was that moment that he knew he was 100% fallen, and in that moment when he knew that love would never go away. 

“Cal? You listening?” Michael says, and Calum is dragged away from this thoughts.  
“Yeah, babe. I’m listening,” Calum says. The ‘babe’ slips out before he can stop it and he freezes, but Michael doesn’t seem to notice. 

“Good,” Michael says. His calm voice seems kinda forced.  
“Where do you think Luke is?” Calum asks. “It’s been a while.”  
“Starbucks can get busy,” Michael says. 

It’s silent for a moment then and slightly awkward. The awkwardness it really weird because they’re best friends - it’s just… not awkward. 

Calum’s about to say something, when he notices Michael’s eyes are closed. He’s not asleep, but he’s close to it. Michael looks so sweet and innocent and Calum practically melts like butter looking at him. 

“Callie?” Michael mumbles, eye still closed. Calum jumps slightly, feeling guilty.  
“Yeah, Mikey?” Calum says.  
“Why’re you staring at me?” Michael says, opening one eye slightly to peek at Calum. His eyelashes flutter and Calum’s heart skips a beat.

Calum’s tongue feels fat in his mouth and when he tries to reply, it comes out a strangled mess. Michael raises an eyebrow questioningly.  
“‘Cuz you’re stupid,” Calum finally gets out, which is far from what he was going for. Michael kind of deflates.  
“Oh,” Michael says. “Knew that.”  
“What do you mean ‘knew that’?” Calum frowns.

Michael shifts underneath Calum uncomfortably.  
“Well, I’m like, everyones least favourite member, and Luke plays guitar just as well as I do, so I’m not really needed and I’m just not as great as the rest of you, you know,” Michael says. His voice is calm and stable but Calum can hear the way his heart is beating uncontrollably. 

“Michael…” Calum says because since when has Michael been having these thoughts? He sits up, facing Michael.  
“Mikey, you’re not useless. You’re so talented and unreplaceable and you’re so wonderful,” Calum says.  
“Cal, you don’t need to… I wasn’t fishing,” Michael says with an attempted laugh. 

“No, Mikey, I want to. You’re so beautiful and you’re brighter than the fucking sun and without you in my life, I probably would have faded away by now,” Calum says in one breath. Michael isn’t breathing, and his eyes are wide.  
“Michael, I’m sick of pretending. We’re too old for games,” Calum says before surging forward and connecting their lips. Michael is frozen in shock for a moment, and Calum’s chest is caving in on itself, until Michael processes what’s happening and kisses back. 

It’s different than those little kisses Michael sometimes gives him, and it’s different from that stupid kiss during spin the bottle. It’s hesitant and full of affection and doesn’t last long, even though it feels like eternity. 

Calum pulls back first. Michael is breathing fast and Calum grins at him.  
“I’ve been waiting for you to do that for so long,” Michael says, before grabbing the back of Calum’s neck and this time the kiss is passionate and heated. 

When Luke gets back, he’s greeting by clothes scattered across the floor.


End file.
